Today I left the office early, because I couldn't keep it together in front of my staff any more. I needed to have a good old fashioned cry. My boyfriend and I had just broken up, I was mid trying to negotiate a big commercial deal. I was in a tense negotiation with a key staff member. I was in the throws of trying to get the wireframes for my new business, #gifted, ready for dev. And I was trying to get my sh*t together before hopping on a call with our cornerstone investor and chairman of my board at 4pm.
All I wanted, was to crawl under the doona, mourn the loss of my relationship, and wallow in the grief of that for a hot second.
My phone rang, and I answered it on autopilot.
It was someone I’d met at a conference a few years ago, wanting to ask if his daughter could do work experience at one of my companies. I immediately went into the spiel ‘Sure, yep, send an email, I’ll connect you with someone on my team who can assist…’ trying to get this person off the phone as quickly as I could.
And then he said “I called you, because I want her to be exposed to strong, inspiring female role models and leaders. I want her to see what she can be”
Wow Taryn, how dare this person interrupt your pity party with their kind words and their desire to inspire the next generation?
He mentioned how we’d only met briefly at this conference, but he remembered my drive and hustle, and had been watching on via linked in and instagram and was so proud of all I had achieved. ‘Its great to see you killing it!’
If only he could see me at that moment. Puffy eyes from crying, riddled with anxiety about the negotiation, feeling totally out of my depth, exhausted and in truth, a bit lost.
The ultimate instagram vs reality moment. Dear god I am not capable of imparting wisdom on your 15 year old, I'm barely holding it together myself.
And I've spent the last few hours musing about that. That maybe, in fact, the best thing I could do for this man’s daughter was show her the absolute reality (OK, maybe minus some of the snotty tissues) of what it's really like navigating the world as a woman in business. That life isn't this linear line, study hard (tick, did that), get good grades (tick again), go to uni (tick), work hard (tick), work your way up through your career, fall in love, have a family, get promoted, take 4 weeks annual leave a year, get a dog, retire….
That it very much more looks like try stuff, win at some of it and suck at some of it. Skin your knees. Get your heart broken. Break hearts. Change careers. Navigate shifting friendships and competing priorities. Never feel sure of yourself. Have adventures. Have anxiety. Feel like your crushing it one minute, then being crushed by it the next.
Maybe, maybe if she saw THAT instead of the glossy wins that her fathers sees of me online, maybe then she would truly be getting work.. Or world.. Experience.
Maybe if we were just all a little more vulnerable. A little more open. A little less filtered. And if the world allowed for that without it being a sign of weakness. Maybe then we’d help this next generation have less days of wondering why everyone else was ‘Killing it’ apart from them, and more days feeling like they were getting the exact rich, deep, experience of life we all get.
So, here’s me trying to do just that. I look forward to welcoming you to your internship. BYO tissues.